The Thai Mafia and Me

November 23, 2008 at 1:42 pm (Thai Culture)
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One day, a couple of years ago, one of my assistants left work at her usual time of 5:30 PM. At 9:30 that evening, she called me on the phone, crying:

“Doug, please help me, I need your help!”

I was surprised, because she gave no indication when she left that there was anything wrong.

“I have to pay Mafia man 30,000 baht (about US$1000 at the time).”

“Why?” I asked.

“A year ago, I borrow money, buy motocy’. Now I mus’ pay back.”

“Why didn’t you sell the motorcycle?”

“Cannot, Doug, have acciden’. Motocy’ no good.”

“What happened?”

“My friend and me, we were riding on road in mountain near my home. Big truck come roun’ corner, almost kill us. My frien’, she have two broken leg. Me, I am OK. But motocy’ no good. Truck run over it. Cannot sell.”

“OK, so why are you asking me for money? What about your family?”

“They have no money. If you not pay, mafia man he kill me and my family.”

“Did you tell the police?”

“No! Cannot! Mafia man pay police! Police no good!”

“OK, so how do I do this?”

“I give you number my accoun’, you can send money at ATM.”

So she did that, and I walked the 15 minute walk to the nearest ATM, and transferred 30,000 baht from my account to hers. By this time, it was almost 10:00 PM.

Next morning she came to work looking tired and depressed. She had a black eye. It was obvious he had hit her, but I asked anyway.

“He hit me because I was late to pay.”

“Did he do anything else?”

“No, Doug, only hit.”

“OK, I still think we should go to the police. I will go with you.”

She got very animated then, “No, Doug, police no good in Thailand. You not understan’. Mafia man pay police. If I go to police, he kill my family.”

Now, before I had come to Thailand, a friend who was formerly an RCMP officer and a Vietnam vet told me that if I ever needed help, to go to a bar called the Texas Lone Staar Saloon (with 2 As in Star). He said that is the bar where the Vietnam vets hang out.

So I did some research and easily located it, as it is in Washington Square on Sukhumvit, just behind the Mambo Cabaret which features spectacular ladyboy shows. Next day, I made my way there, and went into the bar. I was expecting to see half a dozen or more guys looking like Rambo with bulging muscles and all-black uniforms.

But there was just a bunch of old men, with pot bellies and no hair. The Vietnam war was a long time ago, so all these guys were older than me, and I’m no spring chicken.

Anyway, I started talking to one vet, and told him I was working on a computer project and one of my assistants had been punched in the face by a Thai Mafia guy because she was late paying back a loan. I told him that I felt like paying the guy a visit and teaching him a lesson.

Before I could go any further, the guy, looking horrified, said, “No! Don’t do that! Don’t have anything to do with the Thai Mafia! Run like hell and get as far away as you can! Those guys are bad news!”

So much for retribution.

A week later, she did it again. She left work every day without saying anything other than the usual “goodbye, see you tomorrow.”

But at 9:30 PM one night, a week after the first incident, she called again, crying, “Doug, please help me!”

I said, “What now?”

She said, “Mafia man want interest now. “

“How much is that?”

“12,000 baht (about US$300).”

That works out to 40% interest.

So I made the trek to the ATM and transferred the money.

Next morning she came to work at the usual time, but no new black eye.

“Did he hit you?” I asked.

“No, Doug, his son whip me with telephone cord.”

She bent down and pulled the collar of her shirt back and I could see a red welt across her back, just below the neck.

I asked her why she had not told me in the office about this problem.

No answer. She just hung her head.

But, of course, I knew the answer to that. Loss of face.

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Tips for Learning the Thai Language

November 23, 2008 at 12:36 pm (Thai Culture, Thai language, learning Thai, travel)
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Thai uses a simple sentence structure: Subject, Verb, Object. If the subject is a pronoun, you can leave it out if the context is clear:

I live in Rayong –> live in Rayong –> yoo tee Rayong.

Verbs are not conjugated; past, present, and future all use the same word; you use time words to indicate the tense, and the time word always follows the verb.

You indicate past tense by putting “already” (lay-ow) at the end of a sentence or by using a time word (such as “yesterday”). Example, “I ate” –> “I eat already” –> gin [with a hard G] lay-ow.

Future is indicated with “will/shall” (ja). “I shall eat in 2 hours” –> dee-chun ja gin ny song? cheu-mohng. The word for 2 in Thai is “song?” with a rising tone, which is why I put a question mark. In English, questions rise at the end of a sentence.

Plurals are either generic or specific, as in English. With generic plurals, you double the noun. “teeth” –> “tooth tooth”. (This is also true in Malaysian and Indonesian.)

Specific plurals follow a specific pattern, and surprisingly, we do the same in English in certain circumstances. In English, we can say “I have 3 children”, but in Thai, you have to say “I have child 3 person” –> mee dek sahm? kohn. The “child” is the noun, “person” is called a “classifier” or “group word”. An example of this in English is “The farmer has three head of cattle”.

Questions are asked by making a statement and then plopping a question word on the end. “When are you going to the market?” –> “You go market when?” “What is that?” –> “that what?” (which you probably know is nee arai or ahn nee arai). [“ahn” means “thing”. “ahn nee arai” means “thing this what?”]

Negatives are formed by putting “mai” (pronounced “my!” with a falling tone) in front of an adjective or verb. Mai chai, as you probably know, means “not correct”. “Mai bai” means “don’t go”, “mai dee” is “not good” or “no good”, “mai suay” is “not pretty”.

You can also ask a question by pretending you are Canadian, and sticking “eh?” on the end of a statement. In Thai, “eh?” is “mai?” with an upward tone. “This is good, eh?” –> ahn nee dee mai?

Don’t be afraid to learn the Thai alphabet, those funny looking characters are just our letters drawn differently. Thai letters always have a noun attached. For example, “G” is “gah guy”. “Guy” is the Thai word for chicken, as you know, and it begins with that letter. Thai consonants have an implied vowel, which we don’t do in English. A K in English is just a consonant, but in Thai, a K has an implied vowel “ah” or “oh”. You can override the implied vowel by writing a specific vowel.

Thai has several Ks, several Ps and Fs, etc. They use the noun attached to distinguish. We say “B is for Baby”, “C is for Car”, which is the same thing, but in English we can say the letter name by itself, B, C, D, etc. In Thai, you always say the noun so you can distinguish one K from another, one P from another, because all the Ks are called “kah”, all the Ps “pah”, etc.

By the way, English has 3 Ks: K, C, and Q all make K sounds: kitten, cat, quit all have a phonetic K.

We also have 2 Js: John and George both have phonetic J.

And we also have 2 Ss: Cecile and Sam.

And two Zs: amuse and zoo.

So English has some of the same peculiarities as Thai, and these result from the same reason: the historical roots of the language.

Many of the Thai letters are exactly the same as their English equivalents; they are just drawn differently. A hard G in English is a hard G in Thai, but it is drawn in a different fashion.

One other oddity: Thai vowels can appear above, below, behind, and in front of a consonant, but they don’t wander around. A vowel is always pronounced after the consonant, no matter where it is drawn.

And now that you are thoroughly confused, let me leave you with this final mind-blowing thought.

You have been brainwashed since the age of 6 or 7 to accept the English alphabets as normal and natural. We actually have four separate and distinct alphabets, each of which is drawn differently, and each letter in each separate alphabet HAS THE SAME NAME AS IN THE OTHER THREE ALPHABETS. This is very, very stupid, but you accept this as natural because you have been brainwashed. A six year old does not question why the language is that way. I am referring to upper and lower case printing and writing. There are 4 different ways of writing an A, a B, a C, etc. Thai only has one, which makes far more sense. There is no upper and lower case in Thai, and there is no “writing” and “printing”; the Thai word for both [kee-an] translates as “drawing”. So you have to learn one Thai alphabet. Thai people have to learn four English alphabets.

I hope you found this useful, and I wish you fast progress with your Thai. I have had many, many people thank me for writing Speak Easy Thai and making it available so cheaply. In the 45 years I have been programming in Canada, France, and Australia, nobody ever thanked me for my work, but in Thailand, it has been a frequent occurrence. I lived there for 2.5 years while I was finishing the software, packaging it, and getting it on the market. I will be returning November 29, 2008.

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The Thai Mafia and Me

November 13, 2008 at 10:40 am (Lone Staar Saloon, Mambo Cabaret., Thai mafia, Thailand culture, Vietnam vet, ladyboy, loss of face)

One day, a couple of years ago, one of my assistants left work at her usual time of 5:30 PM. At 9:30 that evening, she called me on the phone, crying:

“Doug, please help me, I need your help!”

I was surprised, because she gave no indication when she left that there was anything wrong.

“I have to pay Mafia man 30,000 baht (about US$1000 at the time).”

“Why?” I asked.

“A year ago, I borrow money, buy motocy’. Now I mus’ pay back.”

“Why didn’t you sell the motorcycle?”

“Cannot, Doug, have acciden’. Motocy’ no good.”

“What happened?”

“My friend and me, we were riding on road in mountain near my home. Big truck come roun’ corner, almost kill us. My frien’, she have two broken leg. Me, I am OK. But motocy’ no good. Truck run over it. Cannot sell.”

“OK, so why are you asking me for money? What about your family?”

“They have no money. If you not pay, mafia man he kill me and my family.”

“Did you tell the police?”

“No! Cannot! Mafia man pay police! Police no good!”

“OK, so how do I do this?”

“I give you number my accoun’, you can send money at ATM.”

So she did that, and I walked the 15 minute walk to the nearest ATM, and transferred 30,000 baht from my account to hers. By this time, it was almost 10:00 PM.

Next morning she came to work looking tired and depressed. She had a black eye. It was obvious he had hit her, but I asked anyway.

“He hit me because I was late to pay.”

“Did he do anything else?”

“No, Doug, only hit.”

“OK, I still think we should go to the police. I will go with you.”

She got very animated then, “No, Doug, police no good in Thailand. You not understan’. Mafia man pay police. If I go to police, he kill my family.”

Now, before I had come to Thailand, a friend who was formerly an RCMP officer and a Vietnam vet told me that if I ever needed help, to go to a bar called the Texas Lone Staar Saloon (with 2 As in Star). He said that is the bar where the Vietnam vets hang out.

So I did some research and easily located it, as it is in Washington Square on Sukhumvit, just behind the Mambo Cabaret which features spectacular ladyboy shows. Next day, I made my way there, and went into the bar. I was expecting to see half a dozen or more guys looking like Rambo with bulging muscles and all-black uniforms.

But there was just a bunch of old men, with pot bellies and no hair. The Vietnam war was a long time ago, so all these guys were older than me, and I’m no spring chicken.

Anyway, I started talking to one vet, and told him I was working on a computer project and one of my assistants had been punched in the face by a Thai Mafia guy because she was late paying back a loan. I told him that I felt like paying the guy a visit and teaching him a lesson.

Before I could go any further, the guy, looking horrified, said, “No! Don’t do that! Don’t have anything to do with the Thai Mafia! Run like hell and get as far away as you can! Those guys are bad news!”

So much for retribution.

A week later, she did it again. She left work every day without saying anything other than the usual “goodbye, see you tomorrow.”

But at 9:30 PM one night, a week after the first incident, she called again, crying, “Doug, please help me!”

I said, “What now?”

She said, “Mafia man want interest now. “

“How much is that?”

“12,000 baht (about US$300).”

That works out to 40% interest.

So I made the trek to the ATM and transferred the money.

Next morning she came to work at the usual time, but no new black eye.

“Did he hit you?” I asked.

“No, Doug, his son whip me with telephone cord.”

She bent down and pulled the collar of her shirt back and I could see a red welt across her back, just below the neck.

I asked her why she had not told me in the office about this problem.

No answer. She just hung her head.

But, of course, I knew the answer to that. Loss of face.

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Loy Kratong

November 12, 2008 at 11:48 am (Thai Culture, Thailand Water Festival, loy kratong)


November 12 is Loy Kratong in Thailand. This festival is always on the night of the full moon of the 12th lunar month. In this festival, which is held all over Thailand, people make or buy small floating rafts, each of which has some flowers and a candle. Usually there are also three joss sticks (incense), and the person adds a small coin.

The candle and incense are lit and the kratong is placed in the water. The person makes a silent prayer for good things to happen. As the kratong floats away, it takes away the person’s troubles and other bad things.

The Thai word “loy” means “to float” and “kratong” means “banana-leaf tray”. In 2002, the then mayor of Bangkok told everyone to use styrofoam, as it is light, cheap, and easy to spot in the rivers, and thus easy to clean up. However, this caused an uproar from the environmentalists, and today most kratongs are made from banana leaves or from a special, hardened bread, which dissolves.

At the festival that I attended a few years ago, on the bank of the Chao Praya, small boys stood in the water about 2 or 3 meters off shore and gently pushed the kratongs out further into the river, while discreetly stealing any coins on the kratong.

It’s a beautiful sight to see all these floating candle-lit kratongs on the river.

Downstream a little from where people were launching their kratongs, a power boat manned by city employees was fishing the kratongs out of the water after the candle had burned out. Presumably this was the environmental clean-up crew.

What disturbed me, though, was all the plastic bags scattered around the launching area. There are vendors on the street selling ready-made kratongs for a few baht; they put the kratong in a small plastic bag. The person carries the bag to the launching area on the river, removes the kratong from the bag, and throws the bag away. Arrrrgh! Bags everywhere. And the strange thing is, there was a large rubbish bin right there. I picked up a few bags myself and put them in the bin, but there were hundreds more.

No common sense.

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Travel tips for visiting Thailand

November 3, 2008 at 7:53 pm (Uncategorized)

Thailand is one of the most interesting and easy going countries in the world and can make for the perfect holiday destination. However, it pays to learn a little about the country before traveling here as there are certain cultural nuances to be aware of so as not to upset the locals and to ensure a more enjoyable time.

Getting there and around

Bangkok is the main gateway to Thailand, receiving flights from around the world to the shiny new (pronounced locally as ‘Suwanapoom’). Taxis, minivans and buses provide transport to the city centre and farther afield. Ensure you use a metered taxi from the designated desks outside of the Arrivals halls.

Low-cost carriers such as AirAsia and Nok Air provide the fastest versus cost-effective travel in the country, yet always route through Bangkok, even if travelling from Chiang Mai to Phuket. The exception is the national airline, Thai Airways, which operates direct flights on this route.

Trains and buses provide extensive routings around the country, although there is only one main rail line running from Chiang Mai through Bangkok to the south. First to third-class carriages are available, and it pays to book a sleeper if on a long journey like Hat Yai to Bangkok or Chiang Mai to Bangkok. Second-class air-conditioned sleepers are the most comfortable and cost-effective.

Buses go everywhere and are the mainstay of transport around Thailand. They offer the cheapest form of transport and go from basic, non air-conditioned coaches up to super VIP buses with only 20 or so seats.

Thailand weather – tips on when to come

Thailand has a tropical climate which sees two monsoons in the south and one in the north – ultimately meaning wet and dry seasons. The north of Thailand sees the longest dry season, and the best time to visit is between October and January December when temperatures are cooler and rainfall is at a minimum. At all other times of the year the weather tends to be humid, with Bangkok seeing the highest humidity. March and April are the hottest months thorughout the country and best avoided. Dressing for the weather is essential when visiting Thailand, with lightweight, slack cotton clothing being the best bet. The Northern highlands get chilly in the winter, but otherwise it’s usually warm across Thailand.

The busiest season is from December to April, when people are escaping the Northern winters, thus prices are higher and demand greater – especially over the Christmas period. Although the rainy season extends from May to October it consists of tropical showers interspersed with sunshine. During this time the heat disappears under clouds but humidity can be extreme. However, it’s the prettiest time of the year to witness the countryside.

Thailand health and safety

Thailand is one of the world’s safest tourist destinations despite recent high-profile crimes. A generally respectful, pacifist Buddhist nature among genuine smiling people is the main reason and most Thais will do anything to avoid flare-ups. Women find Thailand safe to travel alone, although being vigilant at night is a must. Gays will also find the society easy going.

Malaria and dengue fever are major tropical diseases to be aware of while visiting Thailand, although they are mainly restricted to remote border regions that tourists seldom visit. In any case, talking with your doctor about the options for preventative treatment is a good idea, bearing in mind that courses of anti-malaria medication may need to be started several weeks before visiting.

The main threats to one’s health when visiting Thailand are from the food, the water and the heat. If you are not used to spicy food, try not to go over the top and always be wary when eating from a hawker stall. While street vendor food is generally fine, the chance of getting an upset stomach is higher than when eating at a reputable restaurant. Tap water is not potable in Thailand, despite what local Bangkok authorities may say, and you should always drink bottled water, which is cheap and readily available. Brushing your teeth with tap water is fine, however.

Thailand is hot and if you’re not used to the tropics, spend several days acclimatising to the heat by minimising sun time and keeping in the shade around midday. Not drinking alcohol during the day is also a good idea and you should always wear sun block, a hat, and sunglasses when on the beach.

Thailand visas and immigration

Tourists from most countries don’t need a visa to enter Thailand for less than 30 days stay. A visa on arrival(VOA) will be stamped in your passport and is extendable for 10 days in some cases. Should you require more time, apply for a 60-day tourist visa before you travel. Alternatively, simply leave the country and re-enter to get another 30 days free. You can only do this twice within a six-month period.

Thailand costs

Thailand is still one of the most value for money destinations in the world, where hotels, travel, food and drink are all very reasonable. The exception is Bangkok and Phuket, although they still compare favourably to other world destinations and major cities. Typically a three star hotel room could be had for as littles as 1000 baht (about 20 euros), a Thai meal costs 100 baht in a mid-market Tourist restaurant and and a quart of beer roughly the same. Airport taxi rides cost about 200 baht for a 20 minute ride, a full day tour up-to 2000 baht. Prices can vary wildly from tourist traps to local markets.

Thailand etiquette tips

Whatever you may have heard about Thailand, it is quite a conservative country, bar the obvious red light districts, and people tend to dress well and remain spotlessly clean. Leave beachwear for the beach, cover up while visiting temples and always take your shoes off before entering a temple or someone’s house.

Two useful tips on social conventions when visiting Thailand are to not criticise the royal family and to always keep your cool. The king is deeply loved by all in Thailand and it’s a good idea to refrain from discussing the monarchy when out and about for fear of inadvertently upsetting the locals. If you find yourself in a sticky situation, try and keep cool no matter how much you feel like bursting.

Other etiquette tips include not touching people on the head and not pointing with your feet or your finger (use your thumb instead), and women should never touch monks.

More information on travelling in Thailand…

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